Lakewood Croquet Club

BREMERTON, WA –  With the 43rd Annual Gary Coleman Memorial Team Challenge a mere five weeks away, the Lakewood Croquet Club has been rocked by the possible retirement of Andy Cooper. Cooper, long known, amongst Club competitors as “The Great One,” confused officials and fans alike during a madeningly vague press conference Sunday afternoon.

Cooper, who has not been heard from by Club officials in some time, organized the hastily called press conference Sunday afternoon at the Gas n’ Sip in Bremerton, Washington.

“The Great One,” as Cooper prefers to be called, addressed the media contingent on hand. He did not comment on his recent absence from the LCC, but did deliver a confusing diatribe concerning the treatment he felt that he has received in the past year.

“It’s been a difficult eight months since what happened at the Cup,” he began. “I’ve been thinking long and hard, considering whether all of the hardships, from the intense training, to saying my prayers and eating my vitamins, has been worth it.”

“I am ‘The Great One,’ bar none,” Cooper continued. “The best there was, the best there is, and the best there ever will be. Unfortunately, a person can only go on getting kicked when he’s down for so long. Maybe it’s time.”

“Time for what?” asked a local reporter.

“Time to really think things through,” answered Cooper. “For everything there is a season, turn, turn, turn. Has my season seen its better days? That is a question that needs an answer.”

With that, Cooper stepped down from behind the podium and the press conference was concluded.

No one knew exactly what Cooper had just said.

Despite this, rumors have swirled amongst LCC officials and competitors that Sunday’s comments may have been the swan song for Cooper.

Cooper has had a renowned career in the LCC. A member since the Club’s organization in 1993, Cooper nearly won the inaugural Champions Cup in 1996 before being viciously croqueted out of competition by Kevin Sutton, the eventual winner.

Cooper did not participate in the 1997 Cup, but was a top contender for the 1998 Cup, before foregoing his run at the title and engaging long-time compadre Jeff Gepner in a tourament-ending brawl.