Lakewood Croquet Club

LYNNWOOD, WA – “The Franchise” Jeff Gepner’s latest move in his ongoing campaign to impeach Lakewood Croquet Club President Brian S. Johnston III includes evidence that Johnston may have been recently arrested during a scuffle with law enforcement officials.

Gepner, who has been Johnston’s greatest foil in his two years as LCC President, has recently been faced with clearing his own name following allegations of his involvement with the Communist Party. Since the launch of a full scale investigation into the charges, Gepner has continued to step up his smear campaign against Johnston, in hopes of forcing an impeachment of the tyranical leader.

“Brian Johnston is an evil little troll who has no place as Lakewood Croquet Club President,” stated Gepner during a press conference at the Hooter’s in Lynnwood Thursday afternoon. “His actions have gone unpunished for far too long. The man has used his power as President to pursue with own personal vendettas against other LCC competitors.”

“A horrific track record as President hasn’t been enough to drive him from office,” continued ‘The Franchise.’ “But maybe a criminal record will!”

Gepner then pulled a photograph from an envelope and held it up to the throng of reporters. The photo, shown below, appeared to depict Johnston being arrested by police officers in riot gear.

“It might be alright to have a selfish tyrant as President, but it’s not alright to have a criminal!” shouted Gepner triumphantly.

News of the photo quickly spread to LCC Headquarters in Lakewood, where President Johnston addressed the media in an attempt to quell the burgeoning hysteria.

“Am I the person in that photograph?” asked Johnston. “Yes.”

The crowd of onlookers gasped.

“Was I arrested?” he continued. “Yes.”

An eldery woman in the front row fainted.

“Am I a criminal? Certainly NOT!” Johnston proclaimed.

“Yes, that photograph depicts me being manhandled and arrested by law enforcement officials, in riot gear no less,” explained the President. “Unfortunately, I was the victim of circumstance! That photo was taken at a rally to protest the treatment of Elian Gonzalez! I was protesting peacefully when a scuffle broke out between police and a group of marchers. Before I was able to use my presidential powers to calm the situation, I found myself tackled and handcuffed by police.”

“I take full responsibility for my actions that day,” stated Johnston. “I was merely doing my part as an upstanding American citizen, and if that’s wrong, then I don’t want to be right!”