Lakewood Croquet Club

In what has proven to be the greatest single season influx of newcomers to the Lakewood Croquet Club in the organization’s seven year history, none have proven more unusual than this month’s Hot Seat guest. Billing himself as Captain Mysterio, the lanky, six-foot newcomer has chosen to hide his identity under a mask. Yes, a mask. In fact, a Mexican wrestling mask, no less.

Rumors have run rampant concerning the mystery man’s identity. Many, including LCC President Brian S. Johnston III, have publically endorsed the belief that Captain Mysterio is in fact 1999 Champions Cup winner Kevin Sutton. Sutton, who was handed a sixty-day suspension July 1st for allegedly wagering on last year’s Cup, cannot participate in Champions Cup 2000.

Mysterio contacted LakewoodCroquet.com himself recently and offered to sit down and answer any and all questions concerning his identity and his presence in the LCC.

Captain Mysterio, are you really Kevin Sutton under that mask?

I can’t say.

But when you contacted us to set up this interview, you yourself stated that you would answer, and I quote, “any and all questions about my identity.” Is that right?

Well, yeah. But it’s a secret identity. I mean, if I relieved to you who I was, I’d have to kill you. That’s how these things work.

So where are you from?

Parts unknown.

Isn’t that somewhere outside Cleveland?

You’re a wise guy, aren’t you? Look, if I revealed where I was from, that might lead people to guess about who I am, which would jeopardize the whole secret identity being “secret,” yada yada yada. You know the drill.

Can I ask what brought you to the Lakewood Croquet Club?

I reall can’t say. [grins] Now I’m just playin’ with you! Haha! You bough that, hook, line and sinker. Anyway, My reasons for coming to the LCC are really two-fold. One, which is obviously a reason for most any other newcomer, is the Champions Cup. It’s the most prestigious prize in extreme croquet and I plan on winning it August 10th.

More importantly, though, I’m here to right a wrong. To correct an injustice. That injustice is what’s happened to our upstanding champion Kevin Sutton. The decisions handed down by the Independent Counsel and by President Johnston over Sutton’s “alleged,” and I use that term loosely, involvement in gambling on croquet, are ludicrous!

First off, who would bother betting on a croquet match? And second, Sutton has been, is, and always will be a class act. He’s been the glue holding this organization together over the past few years as Johnston’s tried to tear it all apart. So I’m here for Kevin Sutton. I’m here to represent what he stands for.

So what’s with the mask?

Hello, dim shady! It’s a SECRET IDENTITY! How else am I supposed to keep this secret? The mask itself is from Mexico. I won it in 1997 in a croquet tournament in a small mountain village outside of Mexico City. It’s priceless. It was handed down to the village champions for over 75 years. I tried to sell it a while back on e-bay, but I couldn’t get $10 for it. So I decided to put it to use.

Is there anything you want to say, any final words?

I really can’t say.

Let me guess! Because of the secret identity, right?

Sorry. Can’t tell ya.