Lakewood Croquet Club

SEATTLE, WA – In an unexpected, shocking turn of events, LakewoodCroquet.com has obtained a copy of an email secretly sent by the Lakewood Croquet Club’s (LCC) resident curmudgeon Brian S. Johnston III to Ironman Croquet (IMC) head Brandon Lasher, offering to “be your goon” and “[knock] other competitor’s [sic] balls out of contention so that you can win.”

The discovery of this email comes on the heals of LCC President Kevin Sutton announcing a formal investigation into recent actions taken by Johnston. At the time of that announcement, made earlier today via press release from LCC Headquarters, little was known what might have prompted such action, aside from Johnston’s recent public rants against Sutton, “King of Qualifying” Tom Carmony, and others.

Contacted by reporters for comment, IMC’s Brandon Lasher remained silent on the matter.

“I have no comment,” stated Lasher. “All I’ll say is that Brian S. Johnston III seems to be an upstanding citizen and a fine member of the croquet community.”

The text of the email, which has been deemed authentic by the LCC’s On-Staff Email Authentication Official™, seems to implicate Johnston in offering to fix the upcoming Champions Cup XI. He offers Lasher the opportunity for an “guarantied [sic] victory” if he and the other IMC competitors would be willing to vote for an alternate date for the Cup (Johnston is unable to compete in this year’s event due with a scheduling conflict).

From: Brian S. Johnston III
Date: August 4, 2006 8:47AM PDT
To: Brandon Lasher
Subject: RE: Alternate Champions Cup Date?

OK Duck you win. For some sick reason my friends are choosing you over me. It appears the only way I can compete in the Champion’s cup is if you are flexible enough to come at a later date. I realize you have taken work off yada, yada, yada. However, there must be something I can do to make a change in your schedule worth your wile. Just name your price. I hate the LCC so much that I would be willing to be your goon, forgoing all wickets and simply knocking other competitor’s balls out of contention so that you can win. A guarantied victory for you and your club…

Think about it.

Mr. BS Johnston III

At this time, it’s unclear what the future may hold for Johnston if he is indeed found guilty of treason against the Club. LCC President Sutton has promised a full and impartial investigation, the implications of which may be felt for months to come.