Lakewood Croquet Club » Champions Cup

“Benedict Arnold” Johnston Reportedly Offers IMC Easy Win at Champions Cup XI

LCC Staff — Sat, 05 Aug 2006 22:44:49 +0000

SEATTLE, WA – In an unexpected, shocking turn of events, LakewoodCroquet.com has obtained a copy of an email secretly sent by the Lakewood Croquet Club’s (LCC) resident curmudgeon Brian S. Johnston III to Ironman Croquet (IMC) head Brandon Lasher, offering to “be your goon” and “[knock] other competitor’s [sic] balls out of contention so that you can win.”

The discovery of this email comes on the heals of LCC President Kevin Sutton announcing a formal investigation into recent actions taken by Johnston. At the time of that announcement, made earlier today via press release from LCC Headquarters, little was known what might have prompted such action, aside from Johnston’s recent public rants against Sutton, “King of Qualifying” Tom Carmony, and others.

Contacted by reporters for comment, IMC’s Brandon Lasher remained silent on the matter.

“I have no comment,” stated Lasher. “All I’ll say is that Brian S. Johnston III seems to be an upstanding citizen and a fine member of the croquet community.”

The text of the email, which has been deemed authentic by the LCC’s On-Staff Email Authentication Official™, seems to implicate Johnston in offering to fix the upcoming Champions Cup XI. He offers Lasher the opportunity for an “guarantied [sic] victory” if he and the other IMC competitors would be willing to vote for an alternate date for the Cup (Johnston is unable to compete in this year’s event due with a scheduling conflict).

From: Brian S. Johnston III
Date: August 4, 2006 8:47AM PDT
To: Brandon Lasher
Subject: RE: Alternate Champions Cup Date?

OK Duck you win. For some sick reason my friends are choosing you over me. It appears the only way I can compete in the Champion’s cup is if you are flexible enough to come at a later date. I realize you have taken work off yada, yada, yada. However, there must be something I can do to make a change in your schedule worth your wile. Just name your price. I hate the LCC so much that I would be willing to be your goon, forgoing all wickets and simply knocking other competitor’s balls out of contention so that you can win. A guarantied victory for you and your club…

Think about it.

Mr. BS Johnston III

At this time, it’s unclear what the future may hold for Johnston if he is indeed found guilty of treason against the Club. LCC President Sutton has promised a full and impartial investigation, the implications of which may be felt for months to come.

LCC President Launches Investigation into Johnston’s Recent Actions

LCC Staff — Sat, 05 Aug 2006 17:06:51 +0000

MERCER ISLAND, WA – The following is a statement released to the press earlier today from the office of Lakewood Croquet Club President Kevin Sutton:

“It is with great sadness that I announce today the Lakewood Croquet Club is launching a full-scale investigation into allegations of treason, sedition and Cup fixing against former LCC president and longtime competitor Brian S. Johnston III.

Mr. Johnston, in his tireless whining about this year’s Champion’s Cup date, has stepped beyond the bounds of what even the LCC considers ethical behavior in his lobbying efforts.

At this time, Mr. Johnston remains a full member of the LCC and retains all rights and associated privileges, including his position as Head Referee. However, should these accusations be proven true, punishment could range from stripping Mr. Johnston of his Head Referee duties, to suspension, expulsion, or detention.

Due to the ongoing nature of these investigations, the exact charges leveled against Mr. Johnston will not be revealed at this time. However, Mr. Johnston, I believe, is fully aware of what he has done.

We have entered into a dark chapter in this Club’s proud history, indeed. While it is true that, historically, no Champions Cup has been without its share of controversies, the allegations against Mr. Johnston warrant these extreme measures.”

Johnston Goes Off the Deep End in Protesting 2006 Champions Cup Schedule

LCC Staff — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 04:59:05 +0000

SEATTLE, WA – Former Lakewood Croquet Club (LCC) President and Champions Cup IX winner Brian S. Johnston III took his frustrations over the scheduling of this year’s Cup public with a series of scathing MySpace comments and three melodramatic voicemails left for LCC rival “King of Qualifying” Tom Carmony.

Johnston, along with all top LCC competitors, was surveyed in early July regarding potential dates for the 2006 edition of the Champions Cup, the LCC’s premiere event. Based on the feedback provided, this year’s event was scheduled for Saturday, August 19th at Gas Works Park in Seattle. In addition to the usual cast of top LCC comeptitors, players from Oregon’s Ironman Croquet League are confirmed to be participating and are expected to make the journey from Oregon to Seattle to challenge for the Cup.

Unfortunately for Johnston, a recent scheduling change for a personal commitment left him unable to compete on the 19th. He formally requested a change of the date for the Champions Cup, but after gathering feedback from a variety of competitors, LCC President (and defending Champions Cup winner) “Mr. Fantastic” Kevin Sutton nixed the request, electing to keep the event as originally scheduled, on August 19th.

Needless to say, this hasn’t sat well with Johnston.

He responded with a pseudo-resignation letter that no one took seriously:

The organization has reached an all time low, I can no longer be apart of the LCC. You will have my resignation from the LCC by the end of the week.

Seriously,

Mr. BS Johnston III

Carmony, the target of much of Johnston’s ire in the matter (for his suggestion that the date remain as original chosen to accomodate the out-of-town competitors traveling to Seattle for the event), wasn’t impressed by Johnston’s response.

“You’re such a drama queen,” replied Carmony in a email cc’d to LCC Board members.

Johnston’s frustrations continued to boil over the following day, as he left a series of aggravated voicemail messages for Carmony, then moved on to scathing MySpace comments targeted at Carmony and Sutton.

In regards to LCC President Sutton, Johnston stated in a MySpace comment, “Tell that piece of crap… that he is a punk bitch! I curse [you]!”

His words for Carmony were slightly angrier.

“BACK STABBING HACK LOOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE…”

Johnston, however, denies the authenticity of the MySpace comments.

“Someone is clearly trying to smear me and obviously hacked into my account,” he stated. In fact, I’d go so far as to speculate that it might even have been Tom or Kevin themselves, simply trying to make me look bad. I wouldn’t trust those two under any circumstances.”

» Listen to the full audio of Brian’s voicemail messages (977KB MP3)

Poison 3 Returns to Marysville as Pre-Cup Showdown August 5th

LCC Staff — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 17:01:16 +0000

MARYSVILLE, WA – Lakewood Croquet Club (LCC) Officials today announced the return of the Club’s annual poison-rules match, Poison 3, to the Johnston Croquet Grounds in Marysville this coming Saturday, August 5th at 7pm. The invitation-only event is a fast becoming an annual Pre-Champions Cup tradition, as top LCC competitors look to hone their skills prior to the Cup showdown, slated this year for August 19th in Seattle.

Poison rules croquet differs from a more “traditional” extreme croquet match (if there can be such a thing as “traditional extreme”) in that plays continues after a player strikes the end stake, which uses signals the conclusion of the contest. Under poison rules, that player then becomes “poison”, and can/must strike other players with his ball. Once another player is struck by a “poison ball”, (s)he is eliminated from the match. Multiple players can become “poison” by completing the course and “staking out” and the last player standing is declared the winner.

Last year’s Poison match-up proved to be a roller coaster affair, lasting well into the evening (to the point that players were employing mountaineering head lamps in order to find their way around the course). “King of Qualifying” Tom Carmony looked to have the win wrapped up, before a late showdown with “The Franchise” Jeff Gepner in a koi pond left him with a second place finish (both players’ balls ended up floating in the pond as they attempted to strike one another).

It was revealed days after the event, via a series of emails obtained by LakewoodCroquet.com, that Gepner had indeed failed to clear a wicket and should never have been in contention at the end of the match. Carmony was left fuming and vowed revenge at this year’s event.

Click here to see photos of last year’s Poison 2 »

Two for Two: Sutton Headed for Pennsylvania and Triple Crown?

LCC Staff — Sun, 24 Jul 2005 05:58:15 +0000

SEATTLE, WA – Just moments after clinching his fourth Champions Cup victory and first win since 2000, spectulation began as to whether “Mr. Fantastic” Kevin Sutton would be traveling to Perkasie, Pennsylvania for the 2005 Pennsylvania Open, scheduled for Saturday, August 6th.

Such spectulation is based on the elusive Triple Crown, victories in the Gary Coleman Memorial Team Challenge, the Champions Cup and the Pennsylvania Open. No competitor has ever achieved a “career” Triple Crown, let alone a sweep in a single season. Sutton is now in position to do so.

Rumblings about the Cup winner traveling to Pennsylvania for the Open began in May, as Sutton and “The Franchise” Jeff Gepner successfully defended their Lakewood Croquet Club (LCC) Doubles Championship at the 2005 Gary Coleman Memorial Team Challenge. Following the victory, Gepner himself declared before the assembled media that “If Kevin or I go on to win the Champions Cup, the winner has to go to Pennsylvania for the Open. It’s our duty to make history.”

Gepner, a three-time Cup winner and four-time Coleman Challenge winner, is the only other competitor in LCC history to have been in position to challenge for the Triple Crown. Gepner won the Coleman Challenge alongside partner “King of Qualifying” Tom Carmony in 2001, went on to win his third Cup two months later, but was unable to make the trip to Perkasie for the Open.

When questioned about any potential travel plans at the post-Cup press conference, Sutton was non-committal but left the door open for a possible run at the Triple Crown.

“At this point, I can’t commit to anything,” Mr. Fantastic told reporters. “But I definitely want to keep the door open for a possible run at the Triple Crown.”

“We’ll see what the future holds.”

Bad Indian Buffet or Foul Play? Johnston Felled by Food Poisoning Just Hours Before Champions Cup

LCC Staff — Tue, 19 Jul 2005 06:00:25 +0000

EVERETT, WA – Less than 24 hours before his defense of the Champions Cup, 2004 winner Brian “Gurgles” Johnston was struck with a suspicious case of food poisoning, courtesy of a questionable Indian buffet lunch July 15th. Johnston had dined at an all-you-can-eat lunch buffet in the culinary capital of the Northwest, Everett. Though initially feeling fine, by late Friday afternoon Johnston was doubled-over in agony and trying to understand exactly what had happened.

The sickness, discomfort and frequent bathroom visits continued Friday night and into the mornign Saturday, just hours before the start of Champions Cup X. Johnston struggled to eat prior to the match, subsisting on apple sauce and crackers and clearly not feeling in top form for the match.

Despite the illness, Johnston, who described himself as “65-70%” on the day of the Cup, soldiered on, finishing in a three-way tie for second place.

Rumors have circulated suggesting that foul play on the part of one of Johnston’s competitors might have been responsible for the food poisoning, but thus far nothing has been confirmed.

Say It Ain’t So! Sutton Takes Advantage of Underhanded Tactics to Capture His Fourth Champions Cup

LCC Staff — Mon, 18 Jul 2005 06:01:38 +0000

SEATTLE, WA – The Lakewood Croquet Club celebrated the tenth edition of its Champions Cup, extreme croquet’s premiere annual event, with television cameras, challengers from the University of Washington’s Honors Croquet League (UWHCL), the much heralded returns of “Money” Mark Stibbe and Dr. Lily Van Patten (who together travelled more than 6,000 miles to take part) and more. Ultimately, though, Champions Cup X will be most remembered as “Black Saturday”, the day that the LCC’s favorite son, its lone poster boy for honor, respect and upstanding play, Kevin Sutton, turned his back on an apparent decade of clean play.

Click here for Complete Champions Cup X Results

LCC Champion Brian S. Johnston III Confident in Exclusive Pre-Champions Cup Interview

LCC Staff — Wed, 13 Jul 2005 06:04:44 +0000

MARYSVILLE, WA – Just days before Champions Cup X and his opportunity to defend his crown as Cup winner and Lakewood Croquet Club Champion, Brian S. Johnston III sat down for an exclusive pre-Cup interview. Never one to shy away from controversy, Johnston shares his thoughts on his position as champion, how he’s prepared for this year’s Cup, and his opinion of such key LCC competitors as “The Franchise” Jeff Gepner, the “Queen of Croquet” Lin Cherry, and LCC President Kevin Sutton.

Coming into Champions Cup X as the defending LCC Champion, how has that changed your preparations for the event? What are you doing differently than in years past?

I figure if I keep to my same regiment that made me a Champion in 2004, then I will be a winner in 2005. For example, I always shake the crumbs off my food before I eat it, I replace the toilet paper so it dispenses from the top, and I throw/shoot things at ducks.

“The Franchise” Jeff Gepner continues to insist that you only won last year’s Cup thanks to the direct actions of himself and Kevin Sutton to ‘run interference’ for you and eliminate SFECC’s “Blackrocket” Jon Prugh. How do you respond to these allegations?

Is Lance Armstrong (6 time winner of the Tour De France) less of a Champion because he needed a team of riders to draft behind? Everyone knows that one on one Lance could kick anyone’s ass. I acknowledge that I would not have won with out the help of Mr. Gepner and Mr. Sutton. When those hacks from the SFECC went kamikaze on me, it was Jeff and Kevin who helped fend them off so that I could claim victory for the LCC. However, one on one it is no contest, I am the best.

How has your perspective on the LCC and on your own game changed since resigning the presidency last summer?

Being President is an extremely difficult job. As President I was forced to sacrifice training time so that I could carry out my executive duties. With the weight of being President off my shoulders, I could focus my energy on winning the Champions cup. Being President was rewording, but so is winning.

What are your thoughts on the LCC return of the “Queen of Croquet”?

I do not recognize that person as a member of the LCC. That individual left the LCC with a flurry of insults and constant bantering… to a rival club no less! That person has done nothing but damage the image of the LCC, and in my opinion should not be reinstated as an LCC member until that person (at the very least) can give an official apology. Until then I consider that person a non entity.

Should you win your second consecutive Cup July 16th, what would be your ideal choice of “victory meat” at the post-Cup barbecue?

I’ll probably go with what I had last year… a rib-eye, rare and bloody.

Any final words for your competitors this Saturday?

Established members of the LCC, I look forward to the challenge and know it will be an exciting fight all the way to the finish… may the best person win. All other competitors, thanks for showing up!

Tenth Annual Champions Cup Set for July 16th at Gasworks Park on Lake Union

LCC Staff — Mon, 09 May 2005 06:16:40 +0000

SEATTLE, WA – The tenth annual edition of the Lakewood Croquet Club Champions Cup, extreme croquet’s premiere event, takes place Saturday, July 16th at Gas Works Park in Seattle. As in past years, the event is expected to draw competitors from a variety of extreme croquet organizations, as well as a number of newcomers to the sport.

Last year, longtime LCC competitor and former Club President Brian S. Johnston III captured the Cup for the first time in his career. Johnston will be back in top form to defend his crown, as will fellow LLC legends “Blackjack” Kevin Sutton and “The Franchise” Jeff Gepner, each intent on winning their record fourth title and establishing themselves as the Greatest of All Time.

Johnston Wins the Cup; Brings Championship Back to Lakewood Croquet Club

LCC Staff — Mon, 04 Oct 2004 06:17:39 +0000

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Champions Cup IX, held for the second straight year at San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park, was clearly destined to be a watershed moment in Lakewood Croquet Club (LCC) history. The year prior marked the first time the Cup had ever been claimed by a non-LCC competitor, as the San Francisco Extreme Croquet Club’s Steak Boy walked off with the four feet of plastic, much to the chagrin of the Cup faithful. With their trademark trophy in the clutches of the SFECC for the past thirteen months, the LCC would either step up to the plate, reclaiming their crown, or fade off into obscurity.

Unlike Champions Cup VIII (2003), a much more formidable contingent of Lakewood Croquet Club competitors made the journey to the Bay Area in search of the gold (-colored plastic). 2003 competitors Tom Carmony and Kevin Sutton were joined by “The Franchise” Jeff Gepner, a three-time Champions Cup winner (III, IV and VI) and Brian S. Johnston III, the former LCC President who was making his return to the world stage at the Cup after a summer-long sabbatical from competition.

Click here for complete results of Champions Cup IX