Moss reportedly spent months prior to Cup 2000 designing and field testing the model. The mallet, unlike any seen in extreme croquet previously, employs a custom PVC head and striking faces and a solid wood broom handle as a shaft. The finished product more closely resembled the type of mallet used in traditional circus sideshow strength contests than anything previously seen on a croquet green. Lakewood Croquet Club officials scrambled prior to Cup 2000 to determine whether or not the mallet was legal for play.

“We didn’t know what to make of it,” claimed LCC President Brian S. Johnston III. “I’ve never seen anything like it. The LCC Board of Directors were on the spot; we had to render a decision one way or another, and given the innovation of Mr. Moss’s mallet, we elected to allow its use.”

“The LCC is the premiere extreme croquet organization in the world today simply because of things like this,” continued the President. “Our members continue to push the envelope and take this sport to places it has never been before. In my book, people like Larry Moss are the definition of ‘extreme’.”

“For the past seven months, I’ve found myself on a soul searching journey,” stated Carmony in a recent exclusive interview with LakewoodCroquet.com. “Year after year, I’ve struggled to find success here in the LCC and to win my first Champions Cup. I’ve tried changes in my training regimen, changes in my personality, I even spent the better half of two years waiting for success to come to me because of my lucky hat.”

“Finally, I realized it,” he said. “There’s nothing wrong with me. There’s everything wrong with this game.”

“I’ve let myself become too wrapped up in the modern style of play. This season, I’ve made a pledge to myself… I’m going ‘Old School.’ I’ve constantly tried to adapt my style of play to that of the rest of the LCC competitors, but from here on out I’m blazing my own trail.”

Carmony stated that he has been working on honing his new style of play, one that will be a mix of traditional and extreme croquet shots and strategy.

Reaction amongst other LCC competitors to Carmony’s latest announcement was mixed.

“This wasn’t something I would have expected from Carmony,” said LCC President Brian S. Johnston III. “I have to say, he may be on to something here. I don’t know if his new style will work in extreme croquet, but I’m interested to find out.”

“Carmony is an idiot!” was the response from Jeff Gepner, a two-time Champions Cup winner. “Every year he comes up with something new that supposed to carry him to the Cup. He’s a chump and nothing’s going to change that.”

The Player of the Year honors were Sutton’s second. He also won the award in 1996, the same year he took home the inaugural Champions Cup. In addition, Sutton won his fourth straight Most Sportsmanlike award. Sutton has had little opposition for the award to this point, given the fact that he is really the only Lakewood Croquet Club member that follows any semblance of the rules.

Jeff Gepner made waves at the Year End Awards announcements by being named Jackass of the Year for the second consecutive year. LCC President Brian S. Johnston III instituted the award in 1998 after stripping Gepner of Player of the Year honors due to “questionable circumstances surrounding the win.”

“Gepner really sums up all that is meant by the term ‘jackass,’” responded Johnston. “Other than the fact that he’s no longer LCC Champion, he hasn’t changed a bit. He earned this award.”

Lin Cherry, the self-proclaimed “Queen of Croquet,” was honored by the LCC Board of Directors as the 1999 Rookie of the Year for her strong freshman year performance.

“Freshman is an antiquated, sexist example of the male dominated hierarchy in power here in the Lakewood Croquet Club,” began Cherry during her acceptance speech. “Am I supposed to be honored by my place in this glorified pageant?”

This year’s ceremonies saw the introduction of two new awards. The first, the Woman of the Year, went to “the female competitor deemed most dominant in match play during the previous season.” Emily Smith, who stole the show at the 1999 Gary Coleman Memorial Team Challenge, took home the gold.

LCC President Brian S. Johnston III closed out the ceremony in bizarre fashion, awarding himself a lifetime achievement award for his “countless hours of dedication that have helped make this great club and this great sport what they are today.” The commendation, named the “Brian S. Johnston III Lifetime Achievement Award” in his honor, will apparently become an annual part of the Year End Awards.

“Who better to receive recognition as a true lifetime leader here in the Lakewood Croquet Club than me?” asked Johnston as he accepted his own award. “As President, I’ve been the backbone of this club for two years. Where would we be without me?”

“Me I tell you!” he concluded in extravagant fashion. “It’s all about me!”

1999 Player of the Year
KEVIN SUTTON
1998 – Brian S. Johnston III
1997 – Jeff Gepner
1996 – Kevin Sutton

1999 Most Sportsmanlike Player
KEVIN SUTTON
1998 – Kevin Sutton
1997 – Kevin Sutton
1996 – Kevin Sutton

1999 Jackass of the Year
JEFF GEPNER
1998 – Jeff Gepner

1999 Rookie of the Year
LIN CHERRY
1998 – Mark Stibbe
1997 – Mike Corvin
1996 – Jeremy Seuss

1999 Woman of the Year
EMILY SMITH

Brian S. Johnston III Lifetime Achievement Award
BRIAN S. JOHNSTON III

After his amazing 1998 season, Mark Stibbe was on top of the croquet world. A rising superstar coming off an impressive rookie season, he soon found himself shouldering immense expectations. Could he match the success of the previous season and build upon his momentum? Was the Champions Cup next in his sights? Could he avoid the dreaded “sophomore slump?”

May 22nd seemed to say “no.”

Stibbe found himself in the middle of the most competitive field in LCC history at the 43rd Annual Gary Coleman Memorial Team Challenge, paired with fellow sophomore Kristina Miller in a battle for the LCC Doubles Championship. Despite solid play, the pair finished fourth out of five teams.

Stibbe’s thunder was further stolen by his rival during the 1998 season, Emily Smith. Smith stole the show at the Coleman Challenge, obliterating the field.

Rather than returning to the greens to perfect his game, “Money Mark” has chosen a different path. He’s apparently going to party like it’s 1999.

It is 1999, after all.

Although Lakewood Croquet Club Officials have yet to learn of Stibbe’s actual whereabouts, a pair of mysterious photographs were received by a member of the Board of Directors earlier this week, accompanied by an anonymous note postmarked from Beverly Hills, CA.

The note read simply “See ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya!”

The first photo appears to depict a gregarious Stibbe rubbing shoulders with none other than basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain. Written across the back of the photograph was the line “two smooth talkin’ ladies men.”

As shocking as this was to LCC Officials, the next photo was even more eye-opening. It shows Stibbe, in full party action, amidst a bevy of beauties and Playboy founder Hugh Hefner.

The back of the photo read simply “hell yeah!”

In an attempt to confirm this story, the LCC Web Team contacted Kevin Sutton, Champions Cup winner and longtime confidant of Stibbe. When questioned concerning Stibbe’s whereabouts, Sutton confessed to be at a loss himself.

“I don’t know what’s happened to Mark,” stated a clearly concerned Sutton. “It’s just not like him to take off like this. Although come to think of it, he was pretty much out of it last time I did see him. He was mumbling something about needing to ‘get out of Dodge’ and that he was going to ‘take a road trip’.”

“I wish I knew where he was,” Sutton added. “The guy owes me $10.”